Galactic Maya

Glimpses into wider realities and observations during life on planet Earth

Page 09

February 20, 1998: I see in the news today that two American men linked to a white supremacy group were arrested on biologically destructive substances charge.  Could this be a signal regarding what was perceived during the astrology class a few days ago?  Somehow, I think this particular road is eventually going to lead to Sadaam Hussein’s front door. 
It just strikes me that Harry Carey, an actor, died yesterday.  I mean, the name conjures up the kamikaze suicide pilots of WWII, and I don’t know, it just seems odd and rather symbolic of times to come. 
But, right now, my focus is on moving through this time with Poppy.  The world is just going to have to create the realities without me right now.
(Later): Brian’s father called me today and said that Brian seems to be in the process of moving somewhere.  He said Brian called him and said he had made some bad decisions and needed to get away to think and turn things around in his life, but he hasn’t called me and that is unusual.  Oh, my lost and confused Pisces son.  God really wants me to stay behind when Poppy leaves; I am sure getting it full-barrel with events that beg my attention. 
Dear Universe: Please give me the strength—the faith I already have.

February 20, 1998: Poppy sure had a weird dream:

I was assigned to track down a biological substance called anthrax.  There were two men in the dream.  One was obvious to me but the other one was in the shadows, more obscured.  I was told to list the second man as dead  but I argued that the man is not dead, he is still alive!”

Well, the dream seemed rather based on current events, but I can see the personal message here.  The second man was obscure, but dad could see that he was not dead at all; he could see that his life essence lived on.
(Later): I found two quotes in my reading (Arroyo) that I want to collect with all my other journal souvenirs:

“Much will rise again that has long been buried and much become submerged which is held in honor today.”
Horace.

The other one is:

“Earthly things must be know to be loved; divine things must be loved to be known.”

February 22, 1998: Tonight Poppy, my two nieces, and I gathered together for a nice family evening together.  We talked about the new baby on the way among other things.  Something tells me this baby is going to have Poppy seeing beyond August now.

February 23, 1998: What happened with Poppy?  He came home from work and told me he was feeling unusually good!  He was walking straight, was less fatigued, and he ate really well!  He said he’s wondering what’s wrong (!?!)  His face does look unusually healthy all of a sudden.  I have been reading in the hospice books that cancer can be a good day/bad day kind of illness.  But this is REALLY good!  What’s up with that?

February 26, 1998: I have spent the last two days visiting friends up in Auburn.  When I returned, I started straightening up the kitchen a bit, and then I sat down with Poppy.  He and I exchanged some very loving words.   He started by telling me he had missed me all weekend and how happy he was that I was back home.  I told him I missed him, too, and we smiled at each other.  I remarked how blessed I felt to experience these few moments because we never spent time like this while I was growing up—never.  Poppy and I have always been very independent souls, but this moment of sharing deep and serious talk will stay in my heart forever.

(Later): As Poppy lay on the couch, I came to sit by him.   He said “I really think that stuff you do—Ryekee is it?—works.” He asked me to place my hands on his left side.  He said it felt warm and wonderful to him.  I proceeded to work on the area.  I worked on his head as well.  It was a poignant experience.
(Later): The family is becoming more and more concerned about Brian.  All we know is that he wanted to get away to get his act together.  It is obvious that he is still doing the drugs.  I hope he is okay.  But he has not even called his daughter, so I sat down and wrote her a letter and a poem, and I sent it to her all wrapped up in love.  As bad as this may appear, I STILL have faith that my son will survive to help others with addictions.  I almost lost him when he was two years old; a chemical being sprayed near our home had caused the red cells in his bone marrow to stop producing.  He was on the brink of death when a young intern at Moffatt Hospital, UC San Francisco got up in the middle of the night with a hunch to check 2 1/2 year-old Brian’s bone marrow one more time.  When I came to his room the next morning, physicians were gathered all around him.  All I saw was a sea of white coats, and I thought I had lost him.  Just as I was breaking into tears, one of the physicians grabbed me and said “It’s a damned miracle!  Your son has started producing little baby red cells!  We think he is going to make it!”
I later learned that of seven known cases worldwide, my son was the only one to survive this, and I knew in my heart of hearts that he was meant for greater things.
He just hasn’t arrived there yet, that’s all.  But I am about the only one who still chooses to believe in my son.

February 27, 1998: I have been reading a book called Asteroid Goddesses and was jotting down notes on Juno, the Goddess of relationships, when my pregnant niece and her boyfriend brought an ongoing argument right here into the living room!  They proceeded to stage a major power struggle and as I just sat there watching,  I was starkly reminded of why it is that I have given up on relationships!  Listening to them, watching their body language with each other; well, it was as though watching a reenactment of some of my own struggles with the other half!  I found it intriguing to be an onlooker rather than a participant.  It gave me much more objective insight into my own part in these affairs.  I am just happy right now to give all that a rest.  I am healing a great many emotional scars now.  Its interesting being the observer so one sees the larger view.
(Later): Bandit has become more lethargic over the last few days.  He has been conspicuously absent as well.  His eyes are clear and his nose and ears feel okay, but he is getting distant and very quiet.  My hunch is that my little cat is absorbing a lot of psychic energy, and it is taking a toll on him.  Our animals have such a way of taking on psychic overload.

February 28, 1998: Clearly, Bandit is not well.  He shows no visible signs of illness, though.  His eyes are clear.  While providing him with some Reiki energy, I grasped the thought that he is in psychic sympathy with Poppy.  Cleo seems fine.  She senses his despondency though.  She has been following him around the house as he takes a few labored steps then lies down.
While he sat on my lap this evening for his Reiki session, we entered into a mental exchange.  I told him that I understand what he is doing but that we need to work together and I need him to stay with me.  He began to vocalize a lonesome string of mews.  He then jumped off of my lap and scurried to Poppy’s room.  As he did so, Poppy’s pet cockatoo and lori bird began repeatedly imitating Bandit’s distressing call.
(Later): Amazing.  Just after the animals began to quiet down, I received a call from Barbara, who is an animal communicator.  She said she was just calling to thank me for participating in her class the week before.  I told her what had occurred between Bandit and me.  She plugged into him.  Life was of no real consequence to him, she said, but he was not planning to leave just yet.  She intuited that Bandit is a healer and is going through psychic overload to relieve me from the stress.  I responded that this was EXACTLY what I had felt earlier.  Barbara also mentioned that Bandit is preparing for a journey he will be helping me to make and that this has to do with Poppy.  Interesting.

March 01, 1998: I awoke just slightly during the night and saw Bandit lying by my bedroom door.  This morning, he was back on my bed, so he was able to jump up and down.  He also seems to have more life in him this morning though not much.
(Later): Whoa!  Today, I studied the governance of the asteroid Vesta:

Vesta governs the Kundalini forces that reside at the base of the spine. When this force is awakened and consciously channeled into higher centers, one gains an increased psychic awareness… . The psi circuits running through the etheric body travel along the same circuits as the sexual currents. Thus, while following this particular path, it is usually necessary to abstain from sexual intercourse during the discipleship period in order to avoid overloading these energies.

Didn’t Barbara say just yesterday that Bandit was accepting my psychic overload?  And, is this why I have found myself in a phase of abstinence and redirecting all my energies toward Poppy and domestic concerns?  Well, what I can say is that the past several months have definitely provided an awesome training ground of some sort.  I guess I shall just surf the wave.

March 03 1998: I took Bandit to the vet today.  Dr. Fox could find no physical problem at all.   Blood tests were drawn and everything was completely normal, for the exception that Bandit is becoming feverish.   But his eyes are very clear, even penetrating.   Dr. Fox said that he feels that the lethargy is manifesting a fever and not the other way around.  His blood pressure was a little low and Dr. Fox said this demonstrated the fact that his body is conserving energy, shutting down so to speak.  He summed it all up by saying that nothing is apparent that could be causing this—that some sort of unknown process is causing him to shut down.  
Dr. Fox, I think we can safely say that this process can be called psychic storm.   Bandit, please don’t do this to yourself for our sake.
I am being so greatly tested on my ability to let go—the art of letting go—this is a major tuffy, but I have noticed that with the prospect of every perceived loss that seems to be occurring in my life I am building a tremendous bridge of inner strength.  I am discovering aspects and abilities within myself that I never thought possible.  I keep waiting for Obi Wan Kenobe or Yoda to show up!
How far distant are the emotional hurricanes I managed to walk into during my lifetime.  The emotional and physical abuse I allowed myself to be put through seems suddenly like someone else’s life.  Something new and stronger and more resilient seems to be emerging, and I welcome it.  Poppy’s illness has somehow opened a door that I unwittingly stumbled onto, although something tells me this was not a random act; my mother has been helping me to understand that.  
After all these years of wanting out of my life, I think I am just beginning to feel comfortable on this planet called Earth.  I think I will stay. 

March 03, 1998: I sit here with tears in my eyes, watching Bandit lie so peacefully quiet at the foot of my bed this morning.  I treasure him for coming into my life when I needed such a companion.
After our exchange of thoughts, I lay back on my propped-up pillows and closed my eyes.  I immediately felt the sensation of lying on a hospital bed.  The message came to me to understand that I have been in a coma and I am about to wake up.  The message was like a coaxing or preview of what the sensations might be like.  I really felt for a few moments that my eyes would open to an entirely new environment; a different reality. 
Menopause is a trip, isn’t it?  HA!
(Later): Cleo is trying to get Bandit to eat.  She just took her paw and dug out some food from Bandit’s dish.  Then she carried it lightly in her mouth and dumped it right in front of Bandit.  She knows, too.  Life is such a miracle.
I have written a letter to my friend, Cynthia.  It’s about Bandit, and about apologizing to her for being snippy on the phone last night.  I reproduce it here:

Thanks so much for your patience and understanding last night as I moved through the storm of emotion. But you know, I am so blessed that insight and faith seem to appear whenever I feel myself the most confused and anxious. This morning as I lay on my bed, wrapping my body around my spiritual friend, Bandit, we had an in-depth, emotional, but comforting exchange. We visually reminisced about the funny and happy times we have had together. How he bounced around me while I planted the pansies in the yard; the night he literally bounced off the fireplace bricks, generating a roar of laughter throughout the house-a much needed therapy; the night he helped me rescue a stray cat from the roof of the little house out back in the middle of the night. Once we returned from this little journey, I realized my tears were falling onto him. He opened his eyes very wide and sent his encouragement for my tears. He said I have not done it enough, but the lesson was to allow my tears and emotion to fertilize the understanding and growth of life in all of its forms. To celebrate, not allow my emotions to attach to the material world. He was, he said, simply a physical manifestation I had attached to emotionally. But my growth (through which he was but one in a line of teachers coming in now) would be achieved once I learned the art of letting go; to transform emotional attachment into unconditional love. Then he closed his eyes and went within. When he did that, I, too, lay back on my pillows and closed my eyes. I had a strong sensation that I would open them and find myself awakened from a lifelong coma, into a different place altogether. My higher consciousness was taking my emotional state of mind and utilizing it as an opportunity for me to open up to a much deeper level of understanding.
Now, I can feel peace of mind in a way through this insight: The vet who saw Bandit was named Dr. Fox. He said he was new to this clinic, had just started that morning! I chided him at the time about his surname, but later it was clear to me that a fox is, monogamous, and highly attuned to nature. Some part of my inner being knew that Dr.Fox was no accident. One thing Dr.Fox said about Bandit was that his body seems to be shutting down. That phrase ran through my mind over and over. The wise, family-oriented fox was really telling me that my own family is shutting down, and that this must be accepted. Like the Phoenix, something new and creative must be able to rise up and lead not only myself, but my family members into new areas of experience. For my father, the Phoenix will rise into the spiritual world, enabling his spirit to continue its growth; for my niece, it is arising through the new life growing now in her womb; for my son, the Phoenix shows up as emotional breakdown and renewal; for my daughter, it presents itself as a burning out of all negative fear she harbors.
The sun is shining through the windows and bathing the room with its promise of continual recreation of life. I think I will go out and catch some rays. Better yet, I will carry Bandit out with me and we can join in the life force together.

(Later): I checked on Bandit and Poppy before coming to bed and they both seem suddenly mobilized and hungry!  It’s as though some sort of clogged pipe is suddenly flowing again!  It’s as though Bandit is saying “Okay, you saw the lesson.  Perhaps I’ll hang around just a little longer.”

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Written by Galactic Maya

March 15, 2008 at 4:55 pm

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