Galactic Maya

Glimpses into wider realities and observations during life on planet Earth

Page 08

February 4, 1998:  Wonderful evening spent at the STC.  Guni, Mary, and I were able to find some time to work on each other with Reiki energy.  I’m getting used to one or the other of them mentioning the futuristic Native American Indian guide around me, but I was quite pleasantly surprised when a warm sensation began to well up in my tummy like a rapidly gestating fetus!  When Guni began working on my solar plexus, the sensation of my tummy swelling to accommodate new life was a wonderful experience.
I was giving Guni a play-by-play of the rapidly expanding sense of growing a child!  “Maybe your inner child wants to come out and play” she said with a smug.
Then I got the thought that one of my nieces, or my daughter, is going to be bringing news of a pregnancy very soon.  Well, my nieces are not married; in fact they are both staying with Poppy and me right now.  My daughter recently told me that they aren’t ready for one yet.  Whatever it was, it felt wonderful.

February 5, 1998: Poppy had another one of those strange blood rushes.  He describes them as a rush of cold starting in his feet and then rapidly moving up through him and into his head.  Then his head begins to feel hot and his ears ring and then the warmth runs back down through him and back into his feet.  Well, I have heard the terms cold feet and hot head in my life, but his experience gives them a whole new meaning.  The way he describes it, sounds like his blood is being run through some invisible warming pump and regulating his temperature.  He says that after he experiences one of these rushes he feels more limber and “balanced.”
He is scheduled to get another CT scan and blood test tomorrow, but what is the point in that?  It’s not as though it will make a difference in the natural course of Poppy’s cancer.  It just means another insurance claim is submitted somewhere.  But he will go, because Poppy came from the old school—don’t ask questions.
(Later): Aaron paid us a surprise visit today!  Something is different.  For reasons I have yet to understand, he actually spent the entire afternoon expressing his feelings, even his deepest feelings.   I listened in fascination to a man that had had no room for sentimentality and feeling in his life.  Hard work and tough thinking had been his mantras.
What has changed?  Why did his eyes appear so revealing and deep?  Why did I feel that a heart cord was connecting us and pulsating in such a calm and revealing manner?  At one point, I literally saw his face transform from one that had tightened and hardened over the years into a face so full of peace and childness.  I only saw it for a second, but it seemed to reveal the true nature of his heart in that moment.
As the sun was setting, Aaron was driving back to his home and I was left with a clear sense that our relationship is beginning to sprout new growth in whole new directions.  We were never meant to have a “routine” relationship; I think that by just letting go of the difficulty that comes with ego and pride, by just allowing, we are growing into a much healthier interaction together.  All those issues that made me so angry with him before have just melted away.  Something has changed in both of us.
Perhaps this is also a reflection of the inner work I have been doing over the last several months.  I am changing my energy and this may be changing the way that energy perceives my world and the people in it.  Whatever it was, it was a relief to simply Be.
Before he left, Aaron put his hands on my shoulders and studied my eyes for a moment then said,
“I don’t know exactly why, but I have not walked very far from our relationship.  We were only together for one year, but I am endeared to you, like forever.”
I was stunned with this “other” Aaron.  Then he said “I can’t be here much, but just know that I am committed to helping see you through this situation with your father.  You know my phone number, ok?”
Then, it was goodbye.
Watching him drive away, It suddenly dawned on me just how many people, places, and things have fallen away from me over these last months.  My old friends are busy with moving on with their own lives, Aaron is moving on to a new relationship now, my father is leaving, my daughter and her husband moved away, my son is emotionally clear out into space.   I guess it would be appropriate that my old life ended on Independence Day.  As though a cleaver just came down and severed the past—it also provided an opportunity start anew.

February 07, 1998: One of my nieces just announced to Poppy and I that she is pregnant!   Holy, moly.  Now, in this home, we have one coming in while another is going out.  This could get very interesting.
So that’s what I felt the other night!  This is awesome.

February 09, 1998: Poppy has decided he doesn’t want to sleep in his room anymore.  He says it is too cold in there.   I say that is an excuse.   Anyway, he was scrunched up on the couch with a comforter.  When I suggested that he take the comforter to bed with him and see how that works out, he pulled the blanket up to his eyes and like a little boy he snapped “No! I want to sleep here!”  Talk about role reversals!   And like a child, I think he is still frightened of “ghosts”.  The trick I need to figure out is how to help him to move beyond his remaining fears and open his inner eye a little wider.  I might be just a little ahead on that count.
We only fear what we do not understand.  How can I help him to understand?
(Later): As I write this entry, I am sitting out here with Poppy who is watching Larry King Live.  As usual, I am either writing in my journal or reading a book.  TV does nothing for me.  But I suddenly heard him say:
“Honey, are you okay?”  I looked up to find he hadn’t even turned his head in my direction.
“I’m fine.   Why?”
Still focused on the TV (I guess), he said “Your mind is too quiet.”
You know, I have this sense that Poppy is aware of far more than he lets on.  Some part of me just feels this death scenario we are caught up in is as much a teaching for me as it is a transition for him.  The doctors don’t believe he can live out the month, but I still think we have a ways to go—no doubt in my mind.

February 12, 1998: I just had a profound experience while straightening up Poppy’s bedroom.  I was talking with someone on the telephone when I suddenly felt the overwhelming presence of my mother.  This time I could even smell the sweet perfume she used to wear.  I hung up the phone and just stood there in the silence of this room my parents had shared for so very many years.
I felt an urgent need to close my eyes and hold out my hands, palms up.  At first, my rational mind was thinking What am I doing, anyway? But I just knew I must stand there and wait.  Then, I received the thought to draw (a Reiki symbol) over my crown chakra.  When I was done, my hands became very warm.  I knew now that mom was very, very close.  Then, I felt her gently touch my right thumb.  Love was everywhere within me. I breathed it back out through my heart.  Then these thoughts came:

Your father will soon be leaving but everything will be all right.  You are well loved.  Do not turn Aaron away; he will guide you later along the path.

Then, I clearly felt something placed gently onto the palm of my right hand and then my fingers were folded ever so gently around it with her “essence”.  I could not see it with my eyes, but I began to cry a little because it felt so beautiful and I felt so much love.  Then her essence was gone from me.  I opened my eyes.
I was going to leave the room but I felt so very light, very buoyant.  Oh, how grateful I am for that moment!
As I stood there in this incredibly peaceful state of mind, the phone rang.   I stuttered as I answered it.  Before I said hello, Guni said through the phone line:
“She has given you a red rose, a rose so unearthly and beautiful it cannot be described.”
I looked down at my palm and saw a softly impressed outline of a flower pedal now on my palm.  I realized without a doubt why mom and the Native American Indian wanted me to open up to Reiki, especially during a time when my emotions are opening up to expression.  It is beginning to open a line of communication I never thought possible.   I am beginning to wonder how many people go through such a milestone in life never knowing just how much help was at hand.
I guess we just forgot.
It sure explains the sudden twists of events upward just when I thought I was at the end of my rope.
After ten years, my mother felt to me as though she had never left at all.  Perhaps she really never did or is just here for dad.  What a gift it was for me to feel all the love that we were not able to express on earth together.   What a blessing.  Later, it came to me that Poppy might be avoiding her presence simply because he somehow believes he has not earned his way to her yet.  He wants to right some wrongs first.  YES! THAT’S IT!
(Later): In the mail late this afternoon was a Valentines card from Aaron.   He had also sent a friendship card to Poppy!  As we looked across the little coffee table at each other.
Poppy said, “Aaron has never met a woman like you.”  Then, he reached across and took my hands.  He just held them for the longest time and then he said “You and Aaron are not finished yet.”
I tried to disagree with him but finally realized that something much bigger than this operating here, and I just let it go.
I  wanted to tell him that mom was not finished with him either, but I think he already knows.

February 13, 1998: I caught Poppy eating spoonfuls of mayonnaise a little while ago!  What is in mayonnaise that he is craving?  When I asked him why, he said he was afraid to eat, take any pills, or even drink an Ensure because he has been constipated and does not know what is causing it.  You know, if Poppy dies of anything it will be from FEAR!  I have a call in to Dr.Tran.  Agh!   I remember that in the months before mom died, she was craving ice cream and angel food cake.  Of course we didn’t know mom was going to collapse in the hallway with a heart attack.  Perhaps if we understood to look for these sudden cravings we might have been alerted to her problem, but that is academic now.  Poppy was constantly running to the bakery for more angel food cake.  Poppy has been craving milkshakes and apple pie for two days now (but, of course, he is afraid to have them!)
(Later): I have had enough empathic experiences with clients at the Healing Clinic not to begin wondering if the panic attacks I have suffered since the early 80s after a trauma, are somehow more triggered by negative thoughts and energy around me?
Tonight, I was working on the heart chakra of a young man.  All of a sudden, I felt a lump get caught in my throat!  I felt so much sadness and even felt an anxiety attack coming on.  I quickly made a mental self-survey of what I might have been thinking but could come up with nothing.  But the pain and empathy were overwhelming.
There I went again, running back out into the reception room with Mary, this time,  following right behind me.  She quickly worked on the energy around my throat chakra and immediately detected that I had taken up (the client) John’s pain and heartbreak over a recent breakup with his girlfriend!   She lectured me about how she taught me how to do self-protection meditation before working on anyone, and “why didn’t you do that!“, she said.
Well, I think I take this work a little too flippantly so I better get serious.  But, it really caused me to revisit the reasons the panic attacks happen.  Over the last 15 years, I have been psychoanalyzed, I have run the gamut of medical tests, I have been through at least 8-9 physicians/psychologists, gone to several group therapy sessions only to find that I end up becoming the counselor.  Not one of them could find any physical or psychological reason for this.  Finally, it was all put down to a chemical brain imbalance. There may be some genetic involvement here, but I am going to start logging just when these attacks occur.  This puts a whole new spin on “feeling vibes”, huh?

February 15, 1998: Dream:

I am wandering among the planets, especially planet Uranus. It sparks up like an unworldly diamond in the velvet background of space. I think we actually conversed!

I awoke thinking of Aaron, so perhaps we used Uranus as our psychic talk line, ha!  But I also find myself in that oh-so-familiar philosophic mindset now: parallel realities.  Perhaps ghosts are sometimes visitors from a parallel reality that some of us glimpse.   Since past, present, and future are all one then maybe some of our dreams are really us appearing in someone else’s reality at any point in time; like a bleedthrough.
I separate this from encounters with spiritual beings (like mom) in the sense that they are not living earthly lives to leave imprints in physical reality.  This is not to say that those in the world of Spirit cannot leave imprints—mom left one right on the palm of my hand!—but that those are encounters of a different sort, with dreams that involve water or planets.

February 16, 1998: Poppy told me over coffee this morning that he broke out in a cold sweat during the night.  He paused in a thoughtful moment and then said, “I kept trying to think of planning things through August, but I could not see that far.”
I put down my coffee and started working Reiki on his heart chakra.  I have found that this helps him to clarify his emotions.
“None of us can say with any certainly how long we will be on this earth, dad.  Not me, not the neighbors, not even John Denver or Princess Di.   You do not have a corner on the uncertainty market, you know…. hummmm?.”
Poppy’s face was trying to force back a tremendous release of laughter.  He finally succeeded and before long, we were both holding our stomachs from the laughter.  Laughter is the best healing tonic of all.  I would prescribe it for everyone.
(Later): I’ve been watching Poppy as he sleeps on the sleeper sofa.   I notice his left hand is clutched over his chest and his right hand has been trembling.  Every so often, he lifts that hand as though he is reaching out for something.  Whatever it is, it seems to calm him and he is still once more.  Lately in his sleep, his hands have cupped over his groin area.  He just did it again as I am writing this.
Now his left hand has suddenly come up and is suspended in the air.  Now it is hesitating there.
Now he has lowered it back down onto his chest.
Now he is reaching back out over his body in an attempt to grasp something.
Now both hands are resting on the crown of his head, and he is in complete rest again.
He  appears completely asleep throughout this exercise.
There is not a doubt in my mind and soul that Poppy is learning (or relearning) to work with the other side while sleeping, on an unconscious level.

February 18, 1998: The astrology class went well tonight.  We covered astrology on a mundane (worldly) level this evening.  I was explaining a conjunction of Moon/Mercury/Venus/Jupiter in Pisces in a square aspect with Pluto in Sagittarius which is coming up next week.
While I was talking, the USA chart came up in my mind.  I realized that there was a connection.  Over the next 3-4 years, we may really see some pretty major events involving terrorism; Saddam Hussein came directly to mind.  Pisces represents chemicals and gases so this could be a biological threat.  Neptune represents Israel and while I have very little knowledge about political events, I must stay that by about 2002, we may see some very life-changing events on this planet.
Anyway, I came home to find Poppy gathering up his pillow and blankets from the couch.  He said he is now going to go back to sleeping in his room!  Yay!
He said “I can’t explain what drove me from that room, I just can’t.  But, I am ready now to return there.”  Off he went.

I stood there and knew that mom had finally been able to get him to relax.

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Written by Galactic Maya

March 15, 2008 at 4:08 pm

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