Galactic Maya

Glimpses into wider realities and observations during life on planet Earth

Page 07

January 24, 1998: Poppy and I had a nice talk last night.  He told me (in words) for the very first time that he can feel his body respond and relax when I put my hands on his sides.   I hadn’t realized he even noticed—he had  been so quiet.  And I never did tell him that the massages were an excuse to practice with Reiki energy healing. 
Then he began asking me questions about the work I am doing over at the Spiritual Truth Center.  When I told him about the “x-ray” event during Healing Circle, he just laughed in disbelief.   But when he quieted down, he looked into my eyes and said, “Your Nonna had experiences like that.”  I had heard that my Italian grandmother had experienced some interesting visions but we never really talked about it in depth while I was growing up.  Poppy said he would tell me about some things later and went to bed.
(Later) Oh, my.  The Queen Mother fell and broke her hip today!  What’s next for the Royals?  Queen Elizabeth should perhaps tippy toe lightly around those eggs these days, huh?

January 25, 1998: Ok, so here is the news of the world today:  Clinton and sex (Politics); The Pope (no sex) is in Cuba (Religion); Saddam sees an opening (Corruption; which politics and religion can also be), and Indonesia’s economy is crashing (Materialism). 
What a great metaphor that the presidential scandal is topping the news here.  There is something very definitely wrong with this picture.  While the media voraciously turns our heads toward a silly soap opera in the White House, it’s very possible that we are going to feel the rug being pulled right out from under our feet when all this is over—by something that is operating behind the scenes right now.  But, perhaps it will ultimately be a good thing for humanity to reawaken to itself.

January 26, 1998: Poppy had a terrible setback today.  He went into a very sudden bout of unbearable pain.  Even very light touching on his side was out of the question.   But then it stopped just as quickly, and he asked me to place my hands on his side.  Oddly enough, I could not feel any energy flowing from that part at all—just cold.  My impression was that this, indeed, was sudden and as though cell tissue had just died en masse in that area.  But then I was distracted in my thoughts: This pain increase was needed to remind him, to bring him to an understanding that he needs to finish his work here.

January 27, 1998: Poppy had another episode tonight, but it was about his breathing, not his pain.  He was trying to conceal his anxiety, but I sensed it right away.  I automatically got up and stood behind him as he sat in his chair.  I placed my hands on the top of his head—his crown chakra.  Then I moved down to his shoulders, then both hands went to his heart chakra.  I mentally talked to his heart about allowing himself to let go; that I would be with him every step of the way.  I meditated on love and release. 
After a few minutes, my relieved father gently took my hands up into his and guided me around him and to face him.  He said, “I can feel the energy and warmth in your hands, honey…and I felt the love.”  I think he heard my thoughts at some level.  We cried.

January 28, 1998: I have mentioned several times dear journal that there are issues I feel Poppy has not wanted to discuss with me yet are keeping him in a distraught state and holding him back from peace.  Although I pretty much know what that is, I have not wanted to approach the subject unless he did.  Actually, I did not want to even admit to it.  I’ve been pretending that it went away long ago.
Somehow, we got onto the subject of homosexuality.  Although we didn’t quite reach the bottom line on this, I sense we are on the verge of revisiting the issue of Poppy’s formerly bisexual nature.  We both have a lot of painful memories that need to come up for healing on this.  I really had hoped I could remain in denial just a little longer but Reiki healing demands that we confront many things now.   Poppy needs to be at peace about this and so do I.  Ouch.

January 30, 1998:Current object does not exist.” 
That is what an amused CNN weatherman just said he read on his computer screen during a commercial.  What a cool metaphor about perceived reality!
(Later): Poppy and I went to see the doctor today.   I had told Dr. Tran in our last phone conversation that my father is aware that he is terminal now and that I would appreciate it if he could address it on our next visit.  He did. 
Then he began asking us about life support issues—would Poppy want to be resuscitated, would Poppy want to be taken to the hospital.   My mind just decided to fly away in those moments but when I returned, I was hearing Poppy tell the doctor about how mom had been on life support the first time she was at the hospital, and she was even able to get off of it and come home for a short while. 
He said, “At the time, they told me maybe four months left, but, you know, I didn’t even hear that, didn’t believe that.”  He looked as though he was seeing far beyond the walls of that office through his eyes.  We were spellbound for just a split second in time.
Poppy decided to sign a DNR – Do Not Resusitate.  It was a quiet ride home in the car.

Rosa called just after we returned home.  She was checking in on us.  She has been so wonderful with her support.  She asked me if there were any significant dates coming up for my father.  Well, March 1st was their wedding anniversary, I told her.  She replied that very often patients somehow determine to get through an important date as a way of making goals.  Then when that day passes, they focus on the next one or they want to stay until that next one. 
This makes sense to me, but what is even more interesting to me is that it really does say something about our Willpower and free choice, doesn’t it?  We are capable of far more than we can imagine, Todo.

February 01, 1998: Its early morning and so quiet.
I have come to love the sounds before the rest of the world begins to stir.  Until six months ago, I dreaded getting up to face another day of work.  The panic attacks  and the alcohol to smooth over the attacks—a viscious circle.  Which reminds me, it’s been months since I thought of having anything more than a cool glass of water.   But now and then that feeling of overwhelming anxiety wells up, but at least now I am beginning to understand the source….I hope.  It takes time for the body to catch up with the mind.
Anyway,  I was just reading my book, when it occurred to me: Just start at ground zero. Just drop all the existing perceptions of myself and of the world I live in. Wipe the slate and let go of attachment. Just accept being part of a vast connection of spiritual wiring. Then the thought: Just think of the stock market disclaimer: past performance does not guarantee future….
And….”Music of the Night” (I love you, Michael Crawford!)  has been bubbling in and out of my consciousness, with softness, then harmonious thunder here and there.  It grabs me as I write! 
“…close your eyes, let your spirit start to soarrrrrr…!”  Hearing it so clearly and beautifully I can see  myself in a free-wheeling vision. 

I am looking down onto a southwest desert road.  I see myself in a lightweight utility vehicle, a van maybe.  I am smiling and waving out the window to greet the air, the flora, the fauna, and earth everywhere around me.  I am traveling with a song in my heart, stopping the van and stepping out occasionally to hug the nature that enfolds me.  I grasp the rich, red earth on a roadside hill, even embracing a cactus with no thought that I could be pricked.  The morning light is bathing everything in light.  I am not alone.  Even my van is tingling atoms of life, drinking in all the harmonious energy permeating the space around me.

I have glimpsed my future.

It is saddening to see that spontaneous, unafraid, untethered joy begin to whither as we experience unending sequences of “yes” and “no.”  We allow the material mind to create unseen boundaries we eventually believe we cannot cross.  Like
someone has drawn for us an imaginary box and we come to believe that it is real.   We believe our ability to function is totally dependent upon what we are given to work with inside this box.  We come not to even consider testing those imaginary lines because we have at least created familiarity and security within it.  But it is like utilizing only 1/10th of our brains.
What if we stepped to the edge of that line and found that all the time there were never boundaries at all except for the ones we construct in our mind?   That we had always been completely accessible to that outside world; had always been subconsciously aware of its vibration, always had an invitation to explore it lovingly but did not because we had become focused on perceiving our little box was the Universe.
What if we came to know that we were never closed in at all, never actually “secure” at all—that at any time a force outside the box was capable at anytime of entering.  So we see then, we have lived in a false sense of reality, totally imprisoned by our own imagined fears brought on by the perceptions of our world and based entirely on our experiences of values and beliefs that have been handed down for eons—and those values and beliefs were shaped on perceptions that no one even knows anymore what they were constructed for!
Yes, I sense I am on the threshold of ground zero.  I already possess one valuable tool.  Flexibility.  Time to start shedding the old movie scripts.  I can vaguely feel tired, outworn thoughts dripping down the sides of my head as they begin melting down into my heart, where I can kiss them gently and let them go.
As I write this, I am finding so much clarity all the how’s and why’s of allowing myself to become so “victimized” by outer events.  I could have stepped beyond that box at any time.  It is going to take some time to undo all the done stuff but, hey, Rome was not built in a day (but I’ll bet the ancient Maya cities were…hummm).

(Later): Wow.  I just reread my entry.  Just when was it that I slipped out of my body anyway?  I think it was about the time I was hugging a cactus.

January 31, 1998 (early a.m.): Poppy woke me in the middle of the night.  He wanted me to come sit with him in the living room.  He said he has been having very strange experiences:

I looked at the end of my bed and there was a folder of papers.  I stretched out to get it, but it was like a ghost; no, like plasma.  It was a plasma subtance, honey.  It didn’t have any dimension.  My fingers went right through it.

Poppy was obviously shaken, so I did what has been natural for us lately—I placed my hands on his heart while he talked.  Then, he said:

I thought I had gone back to sleep, but then I held my hand out and saw a cigarette!  But it was flat!  I was frightened because I thought I had really been smoking in bed in my sleep, but—“.

Poppy had to stop trying to describe this, because it was impossible.  But what struck me was how he changed the description from ghost to plasma.  I am so grateful he is trusting these sensations to me.  Someday, we’ll have some answers to the nature of Spirit connections.

February 01, 1998: Dr. Tran phoned today to tell me that Poppy’s potassium levels are dangerously high and that he is in risk of sudden death.  He stressed the importance of giving him great amounts of fluids.  When I hung up the phone, a thought just breezed across my mind:  No, he’s not going yet. Pump him with fluids, keep him comfortable, but he’s not going just yet.
Not long afterward, Poppy told me that when he opened the refrigerator this morning, he was sure he saw the “largest, purest glass of orange juice” but when he went to grab it, it wasn’t there.  (The plasma effect?)  All I could say was, “See, Poppy? Your mind is making a clear plea to help your body with fluids—you still have a ways to go, you know.”  We both smiled.

February 03, 1998: Today, Karla Fay Tucker was executed.  The focus has been on her alleged conversion to Christ and religion and the moral dilemma of executing a “born-again” woman.  All I can say is, if today is the day she must go, then very soon she will understand what God is really about.  And it is not about media manipulation and religious zealots.  May you go in peace, Karla Faye Tucker.
And a tornado wiped out an area between Key Largo and Key West, Florida today.  One man summed it up like this:

This was beautiful. Now it is just, well, old memories.”

We’ll have to get used to this, I think.

As Poppy and I join in transcending earthly attachments, I watch his awareness dwindle to one Universal Truth…that in the end we are not our possessions, we are not our emotional desires and attachments…we simply are.  And there is nothing more blessed in the world than to watch the exquisite, unadulterated joy on the face of a child who has seen a budding flower or a butterfly for the very first time.
Uh, oh.  I feel profound thought coming over me.

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Written by Galactic Maya

March 15, 2008 at 3:20 pm

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