Galactic Maya

Glimpses into wider realities and observations during life on planet Earth

Page 05

Nov. 12, 1997: While rummaging through the cupboards, I found a box of family pictures I don’t think I’ve ever seen before—pictures of mom and dad taken before I was even born.  So I spent the afternoon organizing them into a little photo album.  Poppy was really a ham in front of the camera, that is for sure!  I also found a Christmas wish album my mother had purchased for the 1986 Christmas season.   It was the year before she passed away.   In it were her hopes and wishes for each of us over the coming years.   Well, mom, some came true and some did not come true—what can I say.  Anyway, I am going to place it under the tree this year so that you can be a part of our celebration—if there is one.

Rosa from Hospice called to check up on us today.  I told her about the concerns we have of dad taking medication with wine.  She explained to me that when there is serious pain going on in the body then an entire bottle of morphine pills probably would not kill the person because all the medication is directed to the source of the pain and little would be left in the general body system to create harm.  I found this interesting—so if a person were to take the medication without a major pain source to direct it to, then it wouldn’t know where to go and would build up toxins resulting in a terrible dysfunction.   I’ll bet prescriptions are doing that to people every day and they don’t even know it.  One on top of the other.  Something is wrong with this picture.  It’s academic though.  I told Rosa that Poppy seems to be doing really well right now without medication and that was that.

I wonder if most people really understand what cancer is about.   We are all  born with potential cancer cells.  A cancer cell is simply a normal cell that forgot how to function, like it got amnesia and forgot where it was or what it is suppose to do and starts attacking its own buddy cells.  That is the scientific story.  But my own hunch is that what triggers these healthy cells into the self-destructive frenzy begins with our thought process on some level.  I am just beginning to scratch the surface on that concept, but we sure like to blame everything in the world for diseases except for the Source of it.  It begins with our feelings and our thoughts which, when positive, help the immune system.  I’ve run into too many hypochondriacs in my life not to notice that we can be convinced or can convince ourselves—literally to death—that something is wrong with our body.  I’m reaching for something here, but sooner or later I will come up with an answer.  I really believe our cells simply mimic what our thoughts believe them to be.  Poppy has allowed thoughts of guilt and grief to eat away at him for years since mom’s death—his cells are just following his instructions.  It sure seems that way to me.  I wonder what he thinks.
Anyway, Poppy seems content with the Reiki and a little wine. We’re going to pull out the stamp book later and work together on it.

Nov. 15, 1997: Poppy and I had a wonderful day! We went to breakfast and then we went to the craft store and got lost in all sorts of craft ideas.
Just as I was looking for Poppy at the checkout, I was suddenly face-to-face with a man who was promoting his art museum.  It was one of those moments when you have a crystal clear but subtle impression that you have just engaged with a messenger.  He said he was giving “free advice” today, and what would I want to create?  
I said the first thing that came to my head. “How about a translucent angel peeking around an ancient tree?”  
He stared into my eyes and said, “You know, our eyes, they are reflective windows, but we need to communicate our thoughts.”  He briefly explained some techniques to accomplish this, but as he talked I was captured by the sense that this was more than a sales pitch.  I told him about my frustration during a water painting class.
He immediately replied “Your instructor was not effectively allowing you your expression, am I correct?” Someone came to the counter and disrupted the mind meld going on here. 
As I walked away, he said “Find your expression—it will serve you well.”

I came home and started scrounging for any container and can of paint I could find.  I made paper mache out of newspaper and before I knew it, I had turned a used dish soap container into something that had a very Southwest look to it.  I don’t know where that came from but I just worked on it with no particular idea at all.  It just took on a life of its own.  Poppy came up to the table just as I was finishing up.  He got close to my ear and whispered, “Now, that is a creation!” Then he lovingly wiped the Elmer’s glue off of my face.

Nov. 28, 1997: We spent a quiet Thanksgiving together, just Poppy and me.  He had found a 3-D puzzle at the craft store so we started putting it together.  It’s a replica of the Taj Mahal in India.  It’s a pretty fascinating project!   Had someone told me six months ago that I would be scouring bathtubs, putting scrapbooks together, and doing 3-D puzzles with my father I would have burst out laughing!  But here I am and you know, it’s really shaping up to be a positive phase for me.  I don’t think in my entire life, I have had the time or the inclination to step back and get quiet for awhile.  Lots of activity is going on even in the quietest moments.  I’m beginning to see that now.

 Nov. 29, 1997: My Aunt Yvonne came for a visit this weekend.  Her husband passed away just last year.  We got into this discussion about drugs vs. wine again.  She gave me some precious insight.  She said that when Roland was alive he begged her to let him just have his Martini’s, but the doctors convinced her that the drugs would be helpful and the alcohol would not.  But she said that if she could do it all over again, she would have just given him the Martini’s.  One stiff drink would ease him.  He never got sick with the drinks, but the pills always made him sick.  She said that hindsight is 20/20 vision and hoped I would consider what she said.

Dec. 10, 1997: Today I sat down with the minister at STC.  I told him about the all the painful and tumultuous events of the 90’s that somehow found me; that is, until I came home.  He listened carefully and then he made an observation. “Perhaps this period of dealing with such possessive and hurtful people has been as a mirror for you.” Basically, what he was suggesting is that perhaps I needed to find clarity on my own dark side through them—to confront that side and to let go of it.  If this is so, then what have I learned?  This requires me to revisit painful interactions of the last six years.  I have to think about that before I can really even begin to articulate it.  I have had the time lately to explore and work on some of my negative, reflexive traits.  But it is painful sometimes, literally and physically it gets painful.  But the worst pain always occurs when wounds are in the healing stage. 
Now, where did THAT little gem of wisdom come from?
I do know that I need to begin to reconnect myself into the social world.  The past several months have been very healing and very refreshing, but I need to fill my life again with social outlets.  Even as I write this, it is crossing my mind that over the past six months I have been developing very different kinds of relationships—wonderful, peaceful, instructive people have been slowly wandering into my life.  It’s an entirely new experience and I am grateful for it.  I really am beginning to relax, and I have this sense that my life is in the midst of a great transformation, like a heavy door has finally shut behind me and a new one, bright and shiny, is about to open.

Dec. 12, 1997: A wonderful evening at the healing clinic. I now go every Thursday night to assist with the healings.  It is open to the public and I have met wonderful people.  I always feel so peaceful and calm by the time I come home.  Poppy was cooking dinner when I arrived.  It tired him, but I applaud him for choosing to try.  He is inspired, and as long as that inspiration is working for him, his life will have quality. That’s what really matters now.
(Later–) While taking a shower, I suddenly felt the sensation of being the water… Wow!  I closed my eyes and a wonderful rush of happiness enfolded me.  I sensed various colors of water bathing over me!
As I danced out into the living room to sit with Poppy, I couldn’t help but say “You know, I think something very positive is going to happen soon.”
He smiled and said spontaneously, “If so, then what?

We listened to our thoughts for awhile.

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Written by Galactic Maya

March 15, 2008 at 3:20 pm

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