Galactic Maya

Glimpses into wider realities and observations during life on planet Earth

Page 02

Sept. 09, 1997 (Later): Poppy sent me to my room!  I obeyed him like a 5-year-old girl and now I’m thinking – what’s wrong with this picture?  Actually, this is the second time in two hours I have run to my room.   I’d spent all afternoon waiting for him to come home; pumping myself up to be strong, rehearsing ways to tell my father he is dying.  I was ready.   I was pumped.   He walks in the door, smiles and says,  “Hey, Sweetie!  I’m feeling just great–feel God is guiding me! …and…“.  I ran to my room in tears.

I collected myself pretty quickly, though.   I wanted to get The Talk over with.   I found him in his favorite chair and moved to his feet while reaching for the little ornamental gold elephant to dim the light.  I began by asking him if his doctors had given him any kind of prognosis.  He started to answer, but then I saw those dark brown eyes get very large—he picked up on my thoughts.   He slapped the little elephant and the light came up full.  “Don’t you say it!”  he said, and he told me that if I was going to get melodramatic, he was going to turn on the TV!   I grabbed the remote and dimmed the light again.   The poor little elephant received the full force of Poppy’s hand and the light came up again. That was it!  This time, I rescued the elephant and placed it on the floor. “Damn it!”  I took his hand and got no more than two words out when Poppy sent me to my room—again!   I say it again; what’s wrong with this picture?   Dad and I have to get past the father/daughter business. Where’s mom?!?

(Later):—I have been trying to remember how we all handled mom’s dying in 1987.   Dad was very strong then, and I was going through so much turmoil of my own I wasn’t around much.  I still feel guilty when I think of those days.   Why?   Because we weren’t done yet, that’s why!   We’d had an argument on the phone and for the first time in my life, I hung up on her–she had the first heart attack the next morning.  Weeks later, she would be gone. I don’t know if she heard me in her last moments.   I hoped she did.   So I told her I loved her.   We never really said that to each other–mom wasn’t one to lay her emotions out on her sleeve like I was.   I walked out of the hospital and she died.   She’d had the last word and I couldn’t do a thing about it.   I’m not going to let that happen with Poppy and me.  He is not going to die on MY watch, and he’s NOT going to get the last word!  I hope……

Sept 13, 1997: I decided to go to Bunny’s beauty salon today.   She was an angel.   She quietly fussed with my hair while I grumbled and complained.  I was so self involved, I didn’t even notice Bunny had decided to shape my eyebrows.  Then I felt the sudden presence of mom and reflexively shifted my eyes as though she were right next to me.   Call it timing or whatever, but just as I was about to tell Bunny about it, she backed up, surveyed my eyebrows, and said “There now. That has opened up your eyes.” Mom, if it’s you, I really need your help here, ok? Promise?

Sept 16, 1997: Poppy and I haven’t discussed our situation all week.  But tonight as we watched The Crawshank Redemption on TV, the tube suddenly went black.   I looked at Poppy who was in a dreamy state and holding the remote.   He just started pouring out all his disgust over the terrible choices he had made in his life, especially the past five years.   He said he did not fear death, but he wanted to be sure that I would be ok.  He wasn’t making a whole lot of sense to me, but he made me promise I would not send him to “that hospice place” to die. (I cannot convince him that Hospice is an in-home care facility.)   For once, I just listened and prayed that more hands than mine were holding his hands at that moment.

I can see something different in his eyes.  They seem wider, clearer–but fading somehow.  It’s mystical to gaze into them and begin to glimpse the beautiful Soul behind those twinkling eyes.

Sept 20, 1997: I’m acutely aware of a very focused, subdued mood lately.   This is not a part of me I know very well.   I have always been such an extrovert–never liked being alone.   But lately, I see a neighbor and avoid any invitation to communicate.  I tell myself to write or call a friend but don’t follow through.   I’m drawn to the backyard–to rake leaves, clip ivy, and water, water, water.   I’m surely overwatering, but it just captures me to watch the rain dance off the sprinkler.   I want to dig into the earth and started prepping a  garden this morning.  Then I just sit under the lush canopy of the fruitless mulberry tree and go deep into thought–profound thought.   Peaceful.  I hear myself.   I feel I am in training like The Karate Kid.  Ha!

(Later): The minister at STC would like me to teach an astrology class there so I’ve spent a few days updating my workbook.   While going through some old files, I found a note I’d jotted down some time ago about the actor Jeff Bridges.   He was born on the same date, year, and region as me – a fellow Sagittarian!   Starman was a perfect role for him!   It got me wondering if Mr. Bridges is having the same issues with his father as I am with mine. I’ll bet his father is a Capricorn, too.

I’m also taking the Reiki class today.   I really don’t know if this will help Poppy or not, but at this point I need all the help I can get.   Besides, I’m curious to see if mom and the Native American man will reappear!

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Written by Galactic Maya

March 15, 2008 at 3:19 pm

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