Galactic Maya

Glimpses into wider realities and observations during life on planet Earth

Page 17

September 04, 1998: What a difference a single action can make.  I feel so sad that Bandit is suddenly no longer with us.
Bandit had awakened me earlier than usual this morning to go out.  I tried to get him to relax until later when the sun would rise, but he insisted.  I went back to sleep but a little while later (D) was frantically pounding at my bedroom door.  When I rushed to open it, I immediately thought that she is either in extreme pain with her pregnancy or that Poppy had taken a serious downturn.  She was finally able to tell me in her panic that Bandit had been attacked by two dogs.  I could not believe this and told her that she must have been dreaming.  As she went on and on, I still felt she had had a bad dream.  But, then I saw the blood on her nightshirt! 
“Oh, my God, what happened?”  I screamed.  She was in shock but told me that she heard a fracus outside and went to the window to check it out.  That’s when she saw the dogs attacking Bandit.  She had run outside to pull them away and then she carried him in.  For some reason, I was still not accepting all this as reality, but  I ran to the livingroom and there was my little friend Bandit, in shock and with his torso torn almost in half and crushed internally, but he was still alive.  I immediately knew he could not survive this and decided just to comfort him.  But a voice in me shouted No! 
I told (D) that I was taking him to the emergency vet and asked her to call them to tell them I was on my way.  I bundled his broken little body into my van.  Whenever we passed under a streetlight, I would look at him and his eyes were fixed on me and wide open in shock, but he meowed and I thought that maybe he could make it. 
When I arrived, police were there as well because (D) had called the Animal Control to report the dogs, with concerns that if they are roaming in packs, they could assault a small child as well. Well, the vet told me that even with surgery, Bandit might live for only 4-5 days.  The internal injuries were just too extensive.  I had to make the decision to put him down. 
I have released so many tears, but I also feel Bandit’s last look at me when we said goodbye was telling me that all would be okay. It was time for him to go.  The vet made what I thought was a very odd statement to my remark that I should not have let him out so early in the morning.  She said “Perhaps he knew something, and he went out there, just had to go.”  I immediately thought Poppy is leaving soon, and Bandit has done his work with me and is out of here.  Maybe my inner voice insisted that I come here, not for Bandit’s life but to hear her statement.

When I returned home from the vet hospital, dawn was just breaking.  Poppy was up, and his left upper arm demonstrated a bleeding wound! 
“Oh, God, Poppy, what happened?”  I seem to be saying that alot these days.   I examined this and saw that it was not bleeding from any bruise; it was a definite wound. 
He said “I got up in the middle of the night…my legs were weak and gave out…I hit my arm on the dresser.”  (D) got out the first-aid kit and we fixed him up.
(Later): I’ve shed more tears, but I am feeling a little better.  I know in my heart, something just tells me that Bandit came in to be my best friend and companion while I go though the experience of caring for my father.  Now, I sensed his work was done. 
That must be why he had laid on my lap a full 20 minutes yesterday for a Reiki treatment.  He had just come over to me and buried his little face under my arm and allowed me to treat him for a long time, very quietly.  I know it crossed my mind then that this was unusual, but now I see.  He was saying goodbye in his way.  I had this incredible feeling that I will be moving on soon and Bandit must have known he would not be with me on that upcoming journey.  I love you Bandit, my beautiful-eyed Egyptian Bast cat healer.  I will miss you deeply my friend.
(Later): (J) said to me a little while ago, “how can anyone get so attached to an animal?”  It’s easy, I told him, when you just understand and respect the heart and the soul of every living thing.  And when two souls touch as ours did as much as they can between human and animal, you feel very lucky and very blessed to have the capability to openly express love.

September 10, 1998:  Brian just called.  He seems to be doing relatively well in trying to straighten up his life, although he does stumble along.  It’s iffy right now.  Anyway, he asked me to give him a ride to work.  My thought was that I cannot enable him too much, particularly now when he needs to prove to himself that he is more than what he believes he is.  I asked him to try other methods first; a bus, maybe.  I want to be supportive and help keep him buoyed enough to tackle and overcome his weaknesses, but I want him to think creatively.  It is hard to say no when he is stretching out his hand to me.  Standing by him in court a few weeks ago was important, really important.  But, for the little things, I must stand aside right now.

September 15, 1998: Well,  I have a new kitten.   I named her Chakra.  She is black, adorable, and affectionate.  I was not going to get another pet—the heartache was too strong after losing Bandit, but I found myself wandering around the animal shelter today.  Chakra is not Bandit, but she has her very own sweet nature.  Right now we are up for the 2 a.m. feeding, ha!  She has eaten and is now has curled up on my lap with her little head buried under my arm. 
You know, that is just what Bandit did the night before he left.
Our encounter took place while I was up in Auburn to see some friends.  Afterward, I decided to walk around town a bit and breathe in the fresh air there.  As I walked by this animal shelter, I was compelled to take a peek inside and then I knew I would not be leaving empty handed.  I was ambivalent, but I reached into a cage full of kittens that had just been rescued from a field after being abandoned. 
I was just starting to pick up another little cat when Chakra came trotting over, placed both of her paws on my arm, and gave me a look that said, It’s me, here I am, take me home!  Ha!  She sat on my right shoulder as I drove the 75 miles back home.  We hit the rush-hour gridlock just outside Sacramento, and I always get anxious about that.  Well, Chakra sat there on my shoulder and seemed to comfort me while we inched along amidst the packed cars. 

September 17, 1998:  (D) has been to the hospital three times in the last two weeks with pre-labor pains.  We really thought Maddy would come into the world last time (they know it’s a girl.) 
Maddy is struggling to get into this world while Poppy prepares for leaving, but as the days roll by here, I am noticing a strange, proportional set of events going on.  Poppy is failing rapidly now, but every time he seems to be on the verge of death, D ends up going to the hospital and Poppy perks up and appears healthier and more vibrant as he waits for her to return with Maddy.  When D comes without the baby, Poppy quickly reverts to a much deteriorated state.  He is not bedridden yet, and it amazes me what he can do with what little power he has left, physically.  It is sheer willpower pulling him through right now.  The inspiration of seeing his great-grandchild is anchoring him here for now. 
I believe that within a month or so of Maddy’s arrival, Poppy will be on his way to mom.

September 18, 1998 (1 a.m.): Well, (D) just knocked on my bedroom door.  Her water broke, so this time I think she will be bringing Maddy home.  Poppy manifested signs of a cold just yesterday.
(Later): (D) just called, and she is a mom! 
She said, “It’s scary because we aren’t attached anymore!  I mean, when she was inside me, I always knew where she was.” 
I giggled, but she then said, “No, really!  I saw in the news recently that baby-switching is becoming a big problem in hospitals!”  I just had to roll my eyes, dear journal.  Maddy is hardly at the breast yet, and she has a mom who is already sending her fear signals.  What has happened to this world?  Agh!

September 25, 1998: Maddy has been home for almost a week now.  I almost forget she is here sometimes because she is such a quiet and peaceful child.  I had to help Poppy into the door this afternoon because he is so weak.  It is phenomenal, the willpower of this man; how proud I am of him.  He told me that he has made the choice to quit his job now, and he will be enjoying his little new great-granddaughter.  I knew that he was holding out for Maddy’s arrival.  They lay for hours and hours together on the couch.

September 27, 1998: Brian and I really got some things done around the backyard.  He was just rearing to go.  We took down the chain link fence and cut back all the dead brush.  He wants to do more.  I am proud of his progress, but I am in the moment on this–I know that he could slip back into drugs at any time—but he must make his choices.

September 28, 1998: Mom is much on my mind right now.  I am thinking about how I have not felt her around so much lately, not since Maddy was born, but I sense that she does not need to make her presence nearly as strong now because most of her Spiritual work has been done—for now.
(Later): Poppy actually went out and bought new slacks today!  How does he even manage to move around?  He is incredible.  His resiliency in the face of such physical emaciation is awesome and really shows what inner Will and determination he has.  I just hope I have inherited even a little of that from him.
But, he has become so very weak.  Most anybody would be in bed and hooked to oxygen by now, but not Poppy.  He manages to stay on his feet and yet I know he is tired and just cannot continue like this.  Even with a cold, Poppy has not shown signs of pneumonia, which for a lung-cancer patient in his condition is absolutely remarkable.  He is remarkable.  He is teaching me so much about what willpower really means.  Yet, a part of me wonders why he would want to hang on?  I have always felt more connected to the immaterial than to the material world.  But he is not me and I am not him, although we have most definitely been mirrors for one another.
(Later): Wow!  I just hit a strong surge of psychic energy while coming out of the bathroom.  The bathroom is off the hallway.  As I froze in place with this sudden surge, I slowly looked to my left where I could see little Maddy asleep in the swing in the bedroom and then to my right, where Poppy was sleeping on the couch in the livingroom.  I felt as though I had just stepped into an electrical cord and became part of the energy flow.   Poppy and Maddy are in a psychic linkup!  Both are in deep sleep right now.  It was fascinating to feel this. 
I went to my own room and Chakra, too, was asleep.  I felt her energy intermingling in this “psychic telephone” as well.  I hear no words, but perceive concepts.  That is the only way I can describe it—concepts of exchanging love and passing on Soul energy.  When I feel such phenomena these days, I automatically head for Poppy’s room where I feel mom the most.  But she felt different to me this time, no so strong, but enough that I could sense her conceptualizing to me that an exchange was indeed taking place.  
I cannot really explain it, but what I believe happened here was perceived by me because of the intense emotional energy that is within our home now.  I am beginning to understand now that if we can channel our emotional energy in a positive way, allow it to heighten without acting on it—or acting out, I should say—this energy is our connection to Spirit.  This must be why our ancient ancestors worked themselves into frenzy with dance and chant; to heighten that emotional energy for a specific purpose, which was to connect with Spirit.  I see. 
But why did not the others awake in the house today feel this?  They think I’m just stressing.  So be it.

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Written by Galactic Maya

March 15, 2008 at 8:50 pm

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